you're ugly and you smell funny

i read this old email from D about "radical honesty." basically you just state what's on your mind, regardless of the consequences. i'm all about not having a filter (since i don't have one, even those times i wish i had one), but this is getting a little out of hand.

http://www.esquire.com/print-this/honesty0707?x

i feel like it's trying too hard to be a prick. to offer information when the other party may or may not want it. but it is an interesting thought...

there have been plenty of times when i'm sitting in a meeting wondering why the hell i'm sitting there. why i put up with the load of crap that someone's trying to hand off as useful information. sometimes i do have an ally mcbeal moment when i imagine myself taking that stupid diet coke out of his hand (i mean it's 8:30 in the morning for crying out loud!), pouring it all over his stuck-up talks-too-much head, and screaming, "you're ugly and you smell funny and this meeting is garbage and you don't even make sense!" and just storming out. but, twenty seconds after my day dream begins, it ends, and i'm still sitting there nodding in agreement to whatever bull he's spewing out of his mouth at that moment. maybe if i was like the old man in the article i could say what i wanted to and just get out of there.

but being blunt and "honest" shouldn't be an excuse to make someone else feel bad. as he states in the article, it's about staying there, letting the resentment come out, dealing with it, and most importantly, getting over it. i think that's my main problem. either i don't have the patience to stay there and deal with the other person, or i get over it with a conversation (in my head). i have a lot of those - conversations with other people when they don't even know i'm talking to them. i just play both sides of the conversation. it's a great way to make people say what you want them to say (although they have no clue they're even talking to you). and it's a great way to get over something that angers you without ever having to deal with it. it's a way of not sweating the small stuff. of course, if something bothers me for more than a few minutes i'll have a real live conversation with them, because i'm also terrible at holding things in (the lack of a filter makes it so).

so all in all i like being honest with people ("does this make me look fat?" "well, you're not fat, but that isn't the most flattering. try this instead.") but being nice about things never hurt anyone. you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar yadda yadda yadda. i believe it. i want people to be honest with me, but there's no sense in making me feel like i'm the scum of the earth.

so don't go telling people you're in love with their spouses...