this needs to end

i can't sleep. this needs to end. i need to stop thinking like this and i need to be patient. it's not easy. i know it'll happen, i just need to be patient. for SO many things in my life. like my Amma says - aathru. meaning impatience. but it's more than impatience. it's impatience with urgency. almost desperation. i really just want my life to be set once and for all. i want to know which career path i should be on and BE on it. i want to figure out how i'm going to live my life and with who and just start LIVING it. i'm just sick and tired of this city, of the wierd people in this city. it was different in chicago. people seemed...nice. just plain nice. and put together. the people i met this weekend - the one thing they had in common were that they were completely put together. they knew where they wanted to be, where they wanted to go, and how they wanted to get there. they were successful, ambitious, confident, and looking forward to the rest of their life. and here i am completely confused, utterly lost, and totally dreading the next couple years. i'm excited that i've figured out at least the educational path i should take. and i think i'm starting to focus in on the career path i want to work towards. but where does that leave me? 31 and leaving b school? i dunno. i guess that's better than 39 and a surgeon. right? i have no idea. i can't sleep. and i guess i'm being dumb. it's scary to be here. for me anyway. outside looking in think it's fine and i'll be fine. i prolly will be. but getting there isn't going to be easy. and waiting for it isn't going to be fun.

i like the cold?!

yup. no kidding. i went to chicago this weekend to visit grossie, and it was cold. we're talking 0 or 1 degree or something equally ridiculous to describe the weather. but - i LOVED it. i loved the snow. the cold air. the city. uhh...yea. loved it. not to mention i made a life changing decision - i am going to apply to b school. there are a lot of reasons, and i'm not in the mood to go through it now, but end result is the same.

and furthermore, for the FIRST time in my life, i'm willing (and wanting) to move OUT of california. huh? me? where it's COLD? yup. i think it's time for a brand new experience. just getting out of here and starting somewhere FRESH. it will be good.

i really need to stop falling for men far away. and on that note...

electroplating is a woman's job

K - you're going to be shocked. but guess who's actually really cool and i became friends with? Cyrus. iiiii know. incredible. but he's REALLY sweet and nice and i had a lot of fun with him! it started a couple weeks ago when JD wanted me to go out with him. C came. i was a little apprehensive but i figured it was time for a truce. it was FUN. i mean, really fun. we were all a little...uh...out of it around 2 when the bar closed so we went to ihop to eat. i remember eating a LOT - of course the stuffed french toast. oh man that sounds good right now. with maple syrup, whipped cream, and strawberries. anyway, on saturday night we had JD's going away dinner. my choice, so i picked Ago. yum. C was there again of course. very sweet and gentlemanly, shockingly enough. he wanted to pay for the whole dinner (came out to a grand or so), but i wanted to contribute. i pulled out a 50 that H had given me for Cabo. i put it on the table, and the waiter comes and picks it up. C tells him - oh, that wasn't tip. why don't you give me the 50 and i'll put everything else on the card. waiter comes back and says, "what 50? there was no 50 here." !!!! unbelievable and gutsy. but what can we say? so we let it go. my 50 is gone, but at least i tried to contribute! then we went to Opera, which is a club. very very cool club if i do say so myself. hung out with this persian girl (who i think likes C who likes her too. very cute) and danced my little heart out. oh yea - JD called me a tease. humph. whatevers. anyway, went back to C's house and just hung out. we were waiting outside because they both forgot their keys (long story), and right in front of their place was this cop with his window open giving some poor chap a ticket. at 2:30 in the morning. sucks. so i'm just staring at the cop (what is he really going to do to me?). he's getting a little nervous cause i'm literally just standing there staring at him. he keeps glancing over and just waves because he doesn't know what else to do. i wave back and say, "JD - doesn't it SUCK to have to get a ticket at 2:30 in the morning?" well within ear shot of the cop. i mean, he's right in front of me. he freezes, stops writing the ticket, looks over at me, and winks. so mean. poor guy getting the ticket. unless he was speeding or something who knows. always give the guy getting the ticket the benefit of the doubt. haha. anyway, back to how cool C is. so on tuesday, JD, C, and little girl come over for indian food. C comes over earlier to hang out, and again, find out how cool he is. so now we're friends. i remember clearly why i thought he was an a$$ before, but i'm definitely willing to let it go now.

i'm leaving for Chicago in an hour! yay! visiting Grossie for the weekend. also get to see R&R. haven't seen them in months so i just can't wait to catch up. i miss Robin a LOT. he's been in Chicago since August i think so it'll be great to see him. i wonder how Rami's been coping with the whole moving countries thing. i was supposed to have finished a protocol by the time i leave (in an hour), but i've seriously been wasting the past 3 1/2 hours i've been here. JDoe gave me a ride this morning. i went to dinner with him and his other Sri Lankan buddies last night. talk about comic relief. they are absolutely HILARIOUS. between their stories of taking pictures of a porn star, finding a hooker in vegas, sleeping in a tent in the backyard during the crazy santa ana winds, and losing cousins while riding a bike and sending out a rescue team, i was laughing so hard i had tears streaming down my face.

and now i'm going on vacation. can life really get better than this? i wonder where grossie's taking me to dinner - he definitely owes me...

food food and more food

i was sick with some random stomach bug. didn't eat or hold any liquids for some 9 days or so. ended up going to the ER to get fluids (and morphine, which was fun) and antibiotics. so NOW - i have this unbelievable urge to talk about food ALL the time. yum. =)

Giggling Marlins, jellyfish, and sun sun sun

cabo was amazing. warm, gorgeous, fun. snorkeling, parasailing, horseback riding, cruises, jellyfish stings (pretty cool cause it finished the experience, and it was baby jellyfish), rambo, sunsets, nikki beach, guacamole, lots and lots of salsa (the last two courtesy of yours truly), hole-in-the-wall joints with great burritos, lots of learning espanol, beach, swimming in the ocean (good practice for june), cute silver ghost doggies, joe hanging upside down, smoky smokerson and her texts, cookie (awww....cookie and BB), my bro...

it was amazing. i'll post pictures sometime in the future.

a week is just not enough. especially coming back to rain...