this needs to end

i can't sleep. this needs to end. i need to stop thinking like this and i need to be patient. it's not easy. i know it'll happen, i just need to be patient. for SO many things in my life. like my Amma says - aathru. meaning impatience. but it's more than impatience. it's impatience with urgency. almost desperation. i really just want my life to be set once and for all. i want to know which career path i should be on and BE on it. i want to figure out how i'm going to live my life and with who and just start LIVING it. i'm just sick and tired of this city, of the wierd people in this city. it was different in chicago. people seemed...nice. just plain nice. and put together. the people i met this weekend - the one thing they had in common were that they were completely put together. they knew where they wanted to be, where they wanted to go, and how they wanted to get there. they were successful, ambitious, confident, and looking forward to the rest of their life. and here i am completely confused, utterly lost, and totally dreading the next couple years. i'm excited that i've figured out at least the educational path i should take. and i think i'm starting to focus in on the career path i want to work towards. but where does that leave me? 31 and leaving b school? i dunno. i guess that's better than 39 and a surgeon. right? i have no idea. i can't sleep. and i guess i'm being dumb. it's scary to be here. for me anyway. outside looking in think it's fine and i'll be fine. i prolly will be. but getting there isn't going to be easy. and waiting for it isn't going to be fun.