cat and mouse

why do i always end up being the mouse? cause secretly i think i like it. and besides, mice are cuter anyway...

and jeffro's been on some frenchie's plate long ago

grossie is in town. =) haven't caught up with him in ages, so it was very nice to do so last night. we talked and talked, and of course ended up in circle bar. sri martin and joe were there as well. cabo's going to be a blast. those guys are hilarious.

grossie made me realize a few things last night. i'm finally starting to get angry about the whole situation, which i think is healthy.

we're going to watch a movie on christmas day. i can't wait. i love movies. yay :)

ben vs romo

so my fantasy football team, suma's zoomas made it to the semi finals. ben vs tony. it's a tough call. with romo and jessica simpson, chances are he's going to be just as distracted as he was last week. and really? a thumb is that important? absolutely when you're a qb. he's had a great year, over 1000 yards more than ben, but i think it's time to put some trust in ben. and carolina and st. louis have crappy defense teams, so whatevers. i think it'll be fine to put ben in. it's tonight, so i don't have a lot of time to decide.

you know? in the middle of all this, i've totally ignored my basketball team. ugh. i knew that was going to happen. what to do.

i ran 4 miles the other night. unfortunately it was 3 days ago...geez, no 4 days ago. i'm going to take my shoes home so i can run everyday during christmas break. abstract season is too difficult to work out during.

we're having our white elephant thing today. i took a bottle of champagne. i wonder how popular it will be. white elephant reminds me of junior high days. getting picked for teams, where you're always the last one to be chosen. hey, it was hard being brown and a girl and skinny and smart back then. haha. glad to know some genes kicked in during high school regarding the athleticism. haha.

you know, i've always wondered what happened to carol le. she was very studious. i distinctly remember when she had a test and she was very very sick. she stopped in the middle (it was algebra 8th grade), went outside, threw up in the garbage can, came back in, and finished the test. WHAT?! she was amazing. anyway, this is my one moment that i will kick myself for forever. my one moment i wish i could take back. my one regret in life (i don't believe in regret, i think it's a waste of time, but THAT'S how bad i feel about this one). i remember we were all playing soccer in PE class. carol le was in my line. she put a big bright smile on her face, looked me dead in the eye, and said HI!!! with a big wave and an even bigger toothy grin. what did i do? ladies and gentlemen, i looked down and said nothing. this was...what? 7th grade? my least proud moment of my life i think. i don't know why i did that. i always talked to everyone during high school. i had popular friends, nerdy friends, jock friends, football friends, track friends, band friends...i had em all. why? because of that moment in 7th grade. seeing how that girl's face fell after i said nothing to her struck something in me. i think THAT was the moment i understood how a person can affect another human being. whether it be positively or negatively depended on the person. and i affected her so negatively. a few months later when i finally got the nerve to talk to her again (i felt too guilty for so long), she wanted nothing to do with me or anyone else for that matter. she was a loner, and she stayed that way until she moved high schools. i can't believe that girl chose me to reach out to. and how i just let her down. i've tried to find her since, but to no avail. so sad. i am ashamed.

the sky is blue, the birds are chirping...

...and i am a very happy girl. the weekend was great. got a massage on saturday morning, had lunch with my parents and K, hung out and chatted until it was time to go to Tori. she was amazing, as expected. sunday went to pancho's for some great brunch, even tho i ate prolly 2 bites total. i filled my stomach with liquids and chips. oops. came home, took a 3 hour nap (awesome), woke up, and ran 4 miles. haha. chatted with a new friend and went to bed. so simple, yet so much fun.

hmmm. this new friend...he's getting under my skin i realize. really fast too, so i'm a little apprehensive about the whole thing. i'm going to just ride along and see i suppose.

Superman ain't saving...

it's already 10am. i had an 8am meeting. i got home at 1:20am. i had band practice at 7pm. i got home from work at 6pm. i had an 8am meeting yesterday too. i got home at 3am. needless to say, i've been out these past two nights but working just as hard. but you can only pick 2 out of 3. play, work, sleep.

one of our scientists quit out of the blue. makes for a very difficult work environment, as we now have to take on those responsibilities (deadlines in 2 weeks), but i don't blame him for leaving. i don't think anyone can. the boss wasn't happy about this, but i can't blame him either. it's difficult when you see both sides sometimes.

i've been laughing and laughing a lot lately. soooo funny. with pics. love it. eh. this sentence doesn't make sense i know, but i just want to remind myself a few months down the road.

i'm going to go see Tori this weekend! can't wait. the last time i saw her was 1998. i might wear the same shirt just cause i can.

alright alright, what i want in a man.

a secret crazy spyman. no really. it would be fun. and our lives would be like true lies. haha. that would be fun.

what i want in a man. that's not hard i don't think. a nice guy with an edge. something should be able to spark his temper, but not from the daily grind. i want to come home to a man who is happy to see me. a family guy, loyal to his own family and also my own. protective of his future wife and kids. will do anything for us, as i'll do anything for them. must love dogs and birds of course. athletic. competitive enough to have that spark in his eyes. that fire. passion. yet loving. tall and broad because sometimes i want to feel like the little girl who needs saving. and i'm a pretty tough girl, so he's really gotta be that much more tough. cute, cause well, i have to wake up next to him for the next 50 or so years. oh. and he must love to travel and see the world. not just in the nice hotels and large cruise ships. but also with a backpack and a canoe.

there. 12 lines and i'm done. not that much to ask for, right?

Im'ma take you on

working is tough. there's no ifs ands or buts about it. it's not tough because it's hard, it's tough because it's boring. sometimes.

life is tough. there's no ifs ands or buts about it. it's not tough because it's hard, it's tough because sometimes it hurts.

but i have a new way of looking at things. well, not necessarily new, because i think i always end up coming to this conclusion after going through something. my old adage - who cares? life goes on. just keep laughing and pretty soon it'll be funny. ha. it does. really. just try. haha. hahaha. and here i am, actually laughing while i'm typing this. it's just not worth crying over it. it really isn't.

let's instead talk about the future. the things that have happened are in the past, and it's best just to leave them there. people (me included) always want to dig up old things in the past and overanalyze them. beat them over the head with a stick. until they're pulp. but what's the point? why not just let dead things be dead? it's already happened. what you take from the experience you've already taken. you've already robbed the corpse. so let it be. there's no use resuscitating a dead thing and trying to see what new life you can breathe into it. it's just not possible. we're not that special.

so that's my new thing. just letting it be. it's in the past. i've learned, i've loved, and i've moved on. end of story. what did i take from it? a good friend. perhaps more than one. what did i leave behind? mistrust, hurt, ego, anger, expectation, all those great qualities. so glad i lost those in the past, isn't it?

it's done. finished. over. and it feels great.

my dad says that time is like an old man. this old man is running, constantly running. his head is completely covered in oil, save for a little tuft of hair on his forehead. if you want to catch up with time, catch up enough to say something to him and have him listen to you, you have to get in front of him and grab his tuft of hair. but once he's passed you, there's no way you can catch up. because when you try to grab him, he slips through your fingers (the oil). so my dad says there's no sense in worrying about what's past - just stay ahead of him. think about your decisions, make them, and then forget about them. because he's always running - and the time to think about what you should've done is gone. it's time to look towards the future. to grab on to his tuft of hair and enjoy the ride. there's no sense in living in the past. you'll just end up being greasy.

obsessions

obviously, i've been doing a lot of thinking this past week. and when i say thinking, i mean thinking. we're talking 24 hours a day, 7 days a week pondering, questioning, sometimes answering, asking more, talking, day dreaming thinking. if it's not conscious, then i dream about it to work more thinking in. efficient. really it is.

after all this thinking, i've come to a few conclusions. sometimes i feel like my life is on crack. i definitely go through the emotions faster than most people i know. i've gone from devastated to wanting to be her friend in less than a week. i think most people would stick around devastated for a few weeks longer. i've gone from how i'm the most alone and abandoned person ever to philosophizing how it came to be. and that, my friends, is the most interesting thinking of all.

i'm starting to imagine a huge roll of butcher paper. imagine this roll of paper laid out, horizontally, over however many walls it would take to fill up, well 80 years worth. let's say each year is a foot. so 1 inch per month. we're talking 80 feet of butcher paper to cover my life, assuming i live to be around 80. this day and age, prolly older. and during the first inch of this 80 foot piece of paper would be my first 2 dots - my parents. i imagine it much like atoms in a molecule. i would be the nucleus, and around me would be orbiting atoms - 2 for my parents, 1 for other people who come in my life, etc. at 2 years would be a dot for meghana, and she stays near me forever, of course, since we're still friends. but another dot might be for Elizabeth, my kindergarten nap parter. we would always take naps next to each other in kindergarten. but that dot would leave my chart after the 5th foot of paper, since i have no idea where she is or what her last name even is. during the 6th foot of paper, i would have a dot for Pramesh. i was his first crush. we would play cat and mouse during recess, every recess. he would also leave my chart sometime during that 6th foot, because i have no idea where he is. and so on and so forth. sometime during the 5th foot i'd have to draw a bunch of colors, since it was a life changing moment for me. i could continue through high school, having dots coming in for people i hung around, dots leaving for people i lost contact with, bright colors for what i deem to be my life changing moments. then college, and that would be interesting, since certain dots would be so close to me, and though they're still in my life right now, they're more hovering in the same area, rather than orbiting my nucleus. grad school would bring much of the same. 6 years i would have a dot orbiting me, but now that dot is only hovering nearby. i think this project would be so interesting because i could truly take a step back and view how my life has changed. how certain events had to occur the way they did in order for things to progress the way they have. how if dots had changed even by a millimeter, the rest of the timeline would have looked like it was from a parallel universe. in my head, of course, all these dots are constantly moving, much like the maps from Harry Potter movies. but most importantly, i think this project would make me see how small a week is actually in the grand scheme of things. i feel like this past week was unbearable, yet in my map it's only a quarter of an inch. A QUARTER OF AN INCH! that's so tiny. and i think it would be fun to see where it goes, since i'll only have 27 feet of this butcher paper filled out.

i might actually make this a project. it might be fun. i just need to buy a box of crayons, some butcher paper, a ruler, and some tape. exciting.

oh the change

so it has definitely been one of the worst weeks i've been through in a long time. BBUUUTTTT with lots of talking, some crying, more philosophizing, not really eating or sleeping, and more talking, i think this is the BEST thing that could've happened to me. i'm starting to feel like i'm going to have my cake and eat it too. it's still a little odd and it's still a little difficult to fully accept and embrace, but i think this is really going to be an awesome thing in the long run. slowly but surely.

i'm not quite sure how to write down my feelings yet - so i'm not even going to try.

but somehow or the other i've gained both my best friend back and the freedom i had been longing for. and somehow i get to keep both. fantastic =) i'm so excited as to what 2008 is going to bring. or rather, who it's going to bring ;)

as i said:

1. it was the best decision for everyone.
2. i did a good deed.
3. things happen for a reason.
4. i am happy for my best friend and myself.
5. my (hot) man will find me very soon.

and that's all, folks! ugh - i'm just so haappppyyy. i hope this feeling lasts.

just take a shower

nyc was fun. relaxing, awesome, and fun. booty drove in on friday night from boston (awww) and we had fun on saturday. it was very very good to see her. i, of course, tried in vain (again) to get her to move back.

so on the way home on sunday, many things happened. first i missed my flight because there was just too much traffic and i didn't give myself enough time to get to the airport. but it was only $25 for the next flight, and i only had to wait an hour or so. not bad. BUT i only got a center seat since there were only a few openings left. i was wondering who was going to sit next to me. like every girl, i always pray that it will be some gorgeous man who sits next to me, and we connect, and live happily ever after, telling our grandchildren that yes, in fact, we met on a plane. on my left was the man who was staring at me a little earlier. i was a little unsettled, but i figured once we chatted he wouldn't be so creepy. turns out he's a pediatrician. and not so creepy. a little wierd, but at least not creepy. and on my right...i saw this kid enter the plane and thought - my goodness he's good looking. i mean, he truly was gorgeous. beautiful features, piercing blue eyes (i could see that from many seats away), tall, good build. man, i hope he's sitting next to me. yup, he was. he looked up at the numbers, and the only available seat was the one next to me, and i knew my dreams had finally come true. except....

so he sits down and i immediately, well...smell something not so pleasant. turns out gorgeous man doesn't shower. that often, anyway. his hair was a little ratty, and he didn't STINK, but he definitely smelled. and he itched a lot. his arm, his stomach, his head. after awhile, i was a little concerned i might get lice. seriously. like i said, he didn't stink like he hadn't taken a shower in days, but it had definitely been at least 24 hours. and his jeans were dirty. he's a photographer, nice shiny camera and amazing computer, etc. etc. great stories, and a working photographer at that. takes pics of famous people. but he did smell. interesting person. really fun to chat with. i fell asleep, and woke up to his piercing blue eyes looking at me. not in a creepy way, but in a nice way. he gave me his card at the end of our trip in case i wanted to get in touch with him. but he smelled. man, if i could only get him to take a shower and wear clean clothes...

the big apple

i'm having a BLAST in nyc. just so much fun. hung out with my cousin, worked a lot (but cool cause it's field visits), and tonight is Diwali. that means lots of good food. yum. i'm coming home on sunday night, which is going to be killer monday morning, but i think it's worth it. i've just been having a great time.

i'm craving vegetarian mexican food.

edited nov. 8

Ouch.

so this post first only read ouch. but i don't think it's that much of an ouch anymore. i think new york is lame. childish and lame. and it feels good to recognize that and realize that i'm a better person. i'm a cool, confident young woman, and i've got plenty to look forward to. and i don't need someone like new york to make me feel otherwise. he's dumb. it's actually kind of sad. i feel like he should be super mature since he's a SURGEON and all, but i guess that makes them never grow up. it's really bad how many docs i've met that are really not all that grown-up. it's like they've been in school or training so long that they never had the real-life working experience. so they get stuck in this high-school who's-saying-what type of soap opera mentality. oh well.

the taco the town

so i fell. and i don't just mean i tripped, caught myself, and moved on. i mean, i fell. in the cafeteria. at noon. lots and lots and LOTS of people around. let me replay this moment for you.

i'm in work clothes, just like any other wednesday. have one of my most comfy heels on, black pointy shoes. danny boy was supposed to eat lunch with me, and i couldn't find him and decided he was outside somewhere waiting for me out there. as i told the other people that i was going to go look for him, the man next to me pushed his chair out so he could get up. and that's when my foot and the leg of his chair wanted to be in the same place at the same time. my heel got caught on the leg of the chair and there i went. i could see out of the corner of my eye my arm making a huge windmill like motion, and i could see out of the corner of the other eye my other arm following suit. and i went down, i imagine much like how goliath went down from. or at least, that's how it felt. arms flailing and everything! thank goodness i have some sort sense of agility, and i caught myself, with very little contact with the floor. i think only a little tiny bit of my knee hit the floor (and i have a tiny bruise there to prove it). the whole, and i mean the whole cafeteria uttered one collective surprised gasp, and ALL heads turned towards me. i just looked around like a fool and jumped back up. some people were laughing, some people were asking if i was ok with a big fat grin on their faces, and the man whose chair my foot met close up looked appalled. yes, yes it was your chair i tripped on. at least i actually tripped on something (i've been known to trip on air) this time. i'm brown, and right now i'm pretty tan from the summer. but i still somehow managed to turn beet red. i could FEEL the blood in my face, pounding with every beat of my completely embarrassed heart. i looked around the floor in case God felt bad for me and opened up a hole i could crawl into. no such luck. i just walked straight to the door until i found someone i could talk to (who of course made fun of me - who was actually JDoe. Karma, i'm telling you. all this just for telling a few stories?!) until people stopped staring at me. which they didn't for a good 3 minutes. always a fun day when you're watching a klutz like me!

still aching

i haven't shook the headache yet. ugh. i bet it will magically disappear when it's friday after work.

yesterday i went home early to try and take a nap for the headache. but when i got home i got a call from JD - he got laid off =( boo. so i met him for drinks at Amazon. i told him i'd make him his dinner of choice and he picked lasagna. DB came over as well and the 2 boys played video games while i made the lasagna. it came out pretty ok (nice and spicy of course) but it seemed like no one was hungry for it. they both took enough for lunch today so at least i know they actually liked it. we also had garlic toast and ice cream for dessert. yum. i'm craving that lasagna now. i'll eat it for lunch tomorrow.

anyway, JD is doing well. they paid him enough severance so he can look for a job and not worry too much. i'll bet he'll find a way better job that's he's happier with and have more fun with. everything happens for a reason.

i need to start thinking about what i'm going to take to NYC. it's cold cold cold. and it's 10 days, with work stuff. so i need nice work clothes as well as lounging clothes. a lot of clothes to fit into a carry on. speaking of, i need to do laundry...

waking up with a headache

don't like it. it hurts.

i got my hair trimmed on friday. and when i say trimmed, i really mean trimmed. there was NO hair on the floor after she was done. awesome. i feel like i got super healthy ends but didn't lose any length at all! she's amazing. she was a referral from E, who told me that she's sent most of the people we know at work to this place. the hair lady's name was Tiffany. she started freaking out at my piercings, which is always funny. anyway, she gave me great advice on my hair and made me change my shampoo. good shampoo is expensive. but she assured me that this shampoo would last a very long time. we'll see how it is. she even taught me how to use a blowdrier and a brush to straighten my hair. yea yea, i don't know how to do that. shoot me.

after my haircut i went to H's house for dinner. she's become a gourmet cook! i guess not having a job in almost a year will do that :( but she made dok-bokki (sooo good), potstickers, and amazing soup. soooo yummy. i invited myself over for dinner on a weekly basis because it was that good. =)

after that, Hellen came over to chat. we had a nice little talk and then watch Russell Peters on youtube. he's HILARIOUS. he's this indian comedian who is just soooo funny. let me see if i can figure out how to attach that video...yup, not that tech savvy. here's the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI

soooooooooo funny. loved it.

studio time was great. i'll get a copy on wednesday. i hope i sound ok.

i had a great time at home as well. we just hung out on saturday evening, and yesterday we went to the wedding. it was fun! the groom is our distant relative somehow. he's good-looking, and his wife (now) is a cute white girl. they made SUCH a cute couple. makes me want to marry a white dude. haha.

so last night on the way home i sat next to this girl Alexis. she was scared of the turbulence (santa ana winds made it crazy) and i kept her mind off of it by getting her involved in a cross word puzzle. we just got to chatting and it turns out she lives down the street from me. i just took a chance and invited her over to have a drink. she accepted, and we ended up talking until about 11 something! very cool girl! new valley friend! randomly met her, but we seemed to click, so might as well go with it. it's hard to find nice people in the valley.

i think when i get back from new york i want to get into art making. i watched HGTV with my mom all weekend and just loved some of the ideas. i can't wait. K - i'm making you one of these things that i want to do. hopefully it comes out well!

i think i'm going to chop my hair

man, if i didn't want to grow it out, i would. but i want super long hair. i think it would be fun. especially when it's "straight" as straight as my hair'll get, which is really curly at the ends. haha. anyway, i'm getting a trim today. it's been quite a few months, so it'll make the ends healthy again. always a good thing.

went to lunch with Nameless today. acapulco. gross. ate WAY too much.

that's the end of my post today. i just feel too gross.

oh, tomorrow's my first time in the studio. need to get a little more confidence between now and then. i'm nervous!! we'll see how it goes!

you're ugly and you smell funny

i read this old email from D about "radical honesty." basically you just state what's on your mind, regardless of the consequences. i'm all about not having a filter (since i don't have one, even those times i wish i had one), but this is getting a little out of hand.

http://www.esquire.com/print-this/honesty0707?x

i feel like it's trying too hard to be a prick. to offer information when the other party may or may not want it. but it is an interesting thought...

there have been plenty of times when i'm sitting in a meeting wondering why the hell i'm sitting there. why i put up with the load of crap that someone's trying to hand off as useful information. sometimes i do have an ally mcbeal moment when i imagine myself taking that stupid diet coke out of his hand (i mean it's 8:30 in the morning for crying out loud!), pouring it all over his stuck-up talks-too-much head, and screaming, "you're ugly and you smell funny and this meeting is garbage and you don't even make sense!" and just storming out. but, twenty seconds after my day dream begins, it ends, and i'm still sitting there nodding in agreement to whatever bull he's spewing out of his mouth at that moment. maybe if i was like the old man in the article i could say what i wanted to and just get out of there.

but being blunt and "honest" shouldn't be an excuse to make someone else feel bad. as he states in the article, it's about staying there, letting the resentment come out, dealing with it, and most importantly, getting over it. i think that's my main problem. either i don't have the patience to stay there and deal with the other person, or i get over it with a conversation (in my head). i have a lot of those - conversations with other people when they don't even know i'm talking to them. i just play both sides of the conversation. it's a great way to make people say what you want them to say (although they have no clue they're even talking to you). and it's a great way to get over something that angers you without ever having to deal with it. it's a way of not sweating the small stuff. of course, if something bothers me for more than a few minutes i'll have a real live conversation with them, because i'm also terrible at holding things in (the lack of a filter makes it so).

so all in all i like being honest with people ("does this make me look fat?" "well, you're not fat, but that isn't the most flattering. try this instead.") but being nice about things never hurt anyone. you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar yadda yadda yadda. i believe it. i want people to be honest with me, but there's no sense in making me feel like i'm the scum of the earth.

so don't go telling people you're in love with their spouses...

a karmic kick in the d-money

i went grocery shopping in anticipation of Hellen visiting on monday. she ended up flaking because of work, but at least i had groceries. and that's a good thing, right? well, not if you shop hungry. and i wasn't just hungry, i was so starving i would have eaten a frozen pizza straight from the box. hell i would've eaten my shoe if i had to. so i'm walking down the aisles, and usually i'm pretty good at buying healthy foods at the store. my rule is this - eat healthy at home and eat whatever i want out. and make sure to go out no more than once or twice a week. sounds great, and usually works well. this time, because i was so hungry, i ended up buying not one, but TWO bags of yummy barbeque Hawaiian chips (the BEST kind), and not one, not two, not even three or four, but FIVE boxes of macaroni and cheese. Kraft of course (is there any other kind even worth mentioning?). i bought a huge wedge of Brie. the rest of my food was normal and healthy, but i think 3000 calories worth of powdered fake cheese sauce, real brie cheese, and fried potato goodness cancels out the other stuff. oh, and i bought 4 avocados (to eat with the brie, of course). i felt guilty so i bought healthnut bread from orowheat. it's actually great bread. i made a sandwich last night with cucumbers (hothouse), brie, avocado, stone ground mustard (nice and spicy), and loads of spinach. sooo tasty. of course i had a huge handful of chips with it. but balanced that out with a huge glass of ice cold milk. YUM. i'm hungry already. my lunch today? leftover mac and cheese =)

I sent in my essay and application to UCSF. i ended up going with the UCSD essay. i changed it a bit to allow room for a list of my most recent publications, since UCSF is really interested in research. i talked to the lady Laurie Nelson who's kind of an advisor for med schools. she said she loved my UCSD essay (yay) and even went so far as to say it was one of the best essays she'd read. wow! that was awesome. it felt great, even though it may not be true :) anyway, she told me that 80% (huge) of UCSF's incoming class has been out of school for a year or more. that's fantastic! that's me!

anyway, the boss and the president sent their letters of recommendation in. well, actually, the boss just gave me an envelope and i sent it in. it should be in UCLA's system soon, so once i send those out, i'll be ready to go. i still feel like i should have applied to more schools, but i don't think i can stomach leaving california. we'll see. one thing at a time, right? well, i checked, and they're there. and i sent them in! yay! now it's the waiting game...

other than that, i feel like i've just been sitting a lot. i spent the entire day on saturday sitting. literally. K and i were going to go out, but it seemed that neither of us were up for it. so we sat. well, she actually went shopping and was productive, but i did nothing. i used her motivation for spending money to do my own spending on sunday. of course, she spent it on pretty things that make her feel better about herself, i spent it on...toys. but i still spent $800. i got a new hard drive for my laptop, the iTouch, new wireless (and weather resistent) speakers, and some new blank CDs to make my friends some music. oh, and i also finally got internet for my apt and bought a new router so i could get the wireless thing going. it worked =) now i can browse the internet on my fast laptop AND on my iTouch. yay. i guess K and i both compensate with our voids in the same way, just on different things...the things K spends money on makes her look better and feel better and she gets out way more...the things i spend it on make me sit and home even more and be a hermit. awesome.

i wonder why it is people have to validate what they buy with the word "new". it's not like anyone's going to buy an OLD pair of shoes, or an OLD set of speakers, or OLD underwear. it's funny.

so a$$hole is in town. since i'm friends with him (friends wise he's fine, otherwise he's an a$$. people can have two sides to their personalities. i'm just calling it like it is), we're hanging out tomorrow or something. i've decided to call him a double money (a.k.a. a$$). or d-money for short. he thinks it's a compliment. he's a smart one, so let's see if he can figure it out.

i got a karmic kick in the d-money for posting JDoe's little escapade in the lady's lockerroom. we went swimming after work yesterday. i went in to take a shower as usual, and since it's just the lady's locker room, i usually just am naked in the shower area. well, i'm putting up my towel and getting ready to get into the stall when i see a bunch of hair. i think to myself - wait a minute, this is either one HAIRY lady or...OH! it's a MAN! and he's just standing there, staring at me. and i react pretty quick and say "HEY! Get OUT!" and jump into the shower. the shower curtain is only until your neck, so he can still see my face, and he says, "uhh...wrong room." but is STILL standing there. i say something like "no kidding! get OUT!" and he finally reacts and mumbles sorry and leaves.

argh. i hope i get into med school this year. i'm really really hoping. i miss dan - he's been gone for almost 2 weeks.

that stupid six pence song...

so new york called yesterday - it was a nice little chat. i still need to decide what to send UCSF. i think i've settled on a 1-page essay and a 1-page CV depending on what info they had with my ACMAS app. i'm just SO excited that i at least got a secondary.

i went swimming with John Doe yesterday. we are definitely getting better - this time we swam 6 sets of 3 laps each. before we could only do 1 lap before we were huffing and puffing. yay! on the way back to work, another hilarious conversation:

JDoe "you know, back at home when i was growing up, the zoo was giving away 1 year old leopard cubs for adoption"
[at this, i screamed and wanted one, of course, and starting coming up with a plan as to how i could procure a leopard]
JDoe "my family was almost going to get a baby elephant to adopt as well"
[yup, i would take one of those too. it would be a little harder though. i could see a leopard in my apt - but a whole elephant? maybe if i had a first floor apt?]
JDoe "you know, one time i got in a fight with a baby elephant."
[double take - WHAT?!]
JDoe "over a banana"
HUH?
JDoe "yea - we were at the zoo, and my little cousin had a backpack with a banana in it. the baby elephant grabbed the banana, and i grabbed the banana. i was playing tug-of-war with the banana and the elephant! he was so strong for a little guy! he won..."

oh my lord. i swear the conversations i have with this guy. i had another once regarding what i should wear to go out with new york. he could have been on queer-eye for the straight guy or whatever that show is. here's a transcript (saved just so i could post it). he's going to kill me...

JDoe [1:48 PM]: wassup tonight?
Me [3:20 PM]: going on a date. with a boy. a real live boy
JDoe [3:20 PM]: SWEET
Me [3:21 PM]: we're just meeting up for drinks
JDoe [3:21 PM]: what ever!!!!! you go girl
Me [3:21 PM]: i don't know what to wear. jeans…but then i'm stuck
JDoe [3:21 PM]: nope
Me [3:21 PM]: no jeans???
JDoe [3:21 PM]: no jeans, something sexy
Me [3:22 PM]: it has to be jeans…jeans are sexy
JDoe [3:22 PM]: Its still somewhat summer
Me [3:22 PM]: but it's freezing!
JDoe [3:22 PM]: okok then jeans. but then a sexy top.
Me [3:22 PM]: but what's a sexy top???? help. heels or flats? I know - tennis shoes? too casual?
JDoe [3:23 PM]: sexy top = show a lot without showing anything
Me [3:23 PM]: oh my god what the hell does that mean? i haven't been on a date in a long time
JDoe [3:23 PM]: and heels woman!
Me [3:23 PM]: what's showing a lot without showing anything?
JDoe [3:23 PM]: he he he
Me [3:23 PM]: i have no girlfriends…but I have you. same difference. but what if he thinks it's not a date? so if i dress up then i feel stupid, get it?
JDoe [3:24 PM]: don’t wear black, make him think he hopes it is a date
Me [3:24 PM]: ok a tank top? sweater? i have black heels…that i can do
JDoe [3:25 PM]: top with a sweater that you can remove at dinner
Me [3:25 PM]: i don't have a sweater i can remove. but i have sweatshirts
JDoe [3:25 PM]: wear something with a little color.
JDoe [3:25 PM]: now i sound gay [NOW?]
Me [3:25 PM]: haha. And I sound like a boy. can i just wear a sweatshirt?
JDoe [3:26 PM]: no, you wanna make him think a little
JDoe [3:26 PM]: little cleavage
Me [3:27 PM]: ok i think can do that. what color again?
JDoe [3:27 PM]: just not black. more colorful.
Me [3:28 PM]: hilarious conversation. i'm going to save this
JDoe [3:28 PM]: i hate you woman

i swear, between Nameless and JDoe, parasites and baby elephants, work stays rather amusing...

thar she blows

whale watching was very fun on saturday, minus the wanting to throw up or just pull out my stomach feeling when the boat stopped. i had no idea i got sea sick, but there it was! regardless, it was soooo worth it. we saw 6 blue whales (HUGE) and about 200 dolphins - they were everywhere!! it was really amazing. let me see if i can post some pics...

These are the two blue whales we saw - all these pics are either Nalin's or Naren's...

Amazing pics of dolphins...

cool pic of birds and whale tails...


and another whale...

wow - it was beautiful. and beautiful pics!

anyway, other than that, the weekend was just like any other weekend - rings, texts, you know. yesterday Lindsey and i went karaoke singing - always a good time. it's fun to have a friend who harmonizes.

oh - really good news - i got a secondary for UCSF!!!!!!! i'm SO excited. i can't let myself get too excited since it doesn't mean THAT much. so basically about 8000 people applied, and 1500 get secondaries. out of those, 500 get interviews, and about 150 get in. slowly but surely, right? i hope i get in (obviously) but it would be SO COOL if i actually did get in (obviously) but i really want to go there (obviously). yup, i'm not thinking clearly and i'm just SO EXCITED. haha. secondaries mainly mean recommendation letters, a short essay (they give you 2 pages to do whatever you want, so i'm going to do a 1 page essay and 1 page CV), and some money. then if they like that, it's an interview. and then if they like you, you're in! sigh...it's nerve-wracking!

staying up till 3am partying...or watching reruns of Alias

yup, it was the latter. lame. i went to dinner with Shankar to this place called Follow Your Heart - healthy veggie food. was pretty good. i had some reuben sandwich with veganaise and sauerkraut. with carrot chips and a pickle. it was good. and some peach tea. but the highlight of the meal? this amazing sugar (yes, i said sugar) that came with the tea. it was SO good. i don't know what it was but it was the best tasting sugar i'd ever had in my whole life. Shankar agreed. we chatted and laughed and had a good dinner. then we went to Fry's to see if i can buy some Ram memory for my laptop to make it faster. the nice man Sid at the Service counter informed me it was the hard drive that was bad and i would have to replace it. $70 for an 80 gig hard drive. amazing. cheap.

anyway, i don't think i like dating. too much worrying and obsessing about why didn't he call why didn't he do this what about this how's that date going and who are you setting me up with? blech. but i guess it's a little fun =)

Nameless has a saying: “Don’t make someone a priority when you’re only an option to them.” I think this applied to a lot of my friends right now...

tomorrow night K and i are going out somewhere in hollywood. should be fun. oh - and tomorrow i'm going WHALE watching. so fun. can't wait. i hope i see a lot of whales. i need to remember to charge my camera battery.

by the way, the button on my jeans fell off, so i'm wearing them with just a belt. and no button. a rainbow belt. and i wonder why i have issues with boys?

renewed interests

i went to the dermatologist yesterday. nothing specific, but i figure it's good to go every year or so (ok, more because my insurance covers it). we were talking about medical school (what else do i talk about), and he was trying to get me interested in dermatology as a career. i must say, he sold it pretty well. i mentioned to him i'm more interested in becoming some sort of surgeon - neuro, cardio-thoracic, or orthopedic, and he quipped back with "you'll have no life, no time for your kids, and derms do surgery too!" he went on to invite me to observe some surgeries on monday! i can't wait. so i'm finally going to send in my secondary today.

i was thinking more and more about TKD yesterday. i'm really itching to kick something. i think my ankle is ready. i'm not too sure, but only one way to find out, right? i kicked my bag at home a little yesterday and it felt fine. it's a bit swollen but who cares as long as it doesn't hurt? yea yea, i know that's a little twisted logic, but i'm really itching to kick again. i think i'm going to call Glenn and see what days he's open to kick out. he changed his number, so i'll need to call HY to find the right number. it would be fun to be like the old days again. working until 5, jetting home to change and scarf something down, starting to warm up by 7. not leaving until 9 or 10. i sleep better, eat better (and can eat more which is always a plus), and am stronger. i don't remember how to fight anymore, but i don't really have the desire to find that passion again. it will suck me into that world...and i don't have the stomach or the heart for it.

that would be awesome - run a couple times a week, swim thrice a week, lift thrice a week, kick out twice a week...that's a lot of times a week. haha. sounds perfect. maybe throw some boxing in there for the heck of it. but that's scary - going back to the gym where the one-eyed men live...we'll see.

other than that, work is insane as usual. K - do you want to go out on Saturday night?

Sunday Sunday - can't trust that day...and poo

i agreed to sunday. i don't know what's going to happen, but i can't go through life knowing i didn't give it everything i had. keeping the options open though.

Boy called again last night. poor guy. if he hadn't told me about the frat, i might have been more open to hanging out more. UNTIL...last night he said, "hey, my roommate is cooking - do you want to come over?" i was almost considering it until he continued, "i'm going to bust out my hookah too. do you like to smoke hookah." sigh. so close. so i made my excuses and got myself out of it.

this band thing is getting annoying. always rescheduling. now they might want to make it on thursdays. we've only had 2 rehearsals, so i'm not looking to our first show.

i had lunch with She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named today. we'll call her Nameless for short. HILARIOUS conversations. she was trying to give me advice on how to have game with men. since i have absolutely zero. she was telling me to not talk about things i usually talk about - poo being one of them. Nameless goes on to tell me her story of how she learned the hard way that boys do not want to talk about poo.

Nameless: "It's really great being here with you"
Boy: "Yea, it's awesome. Tell me something funny!"
Nameless: "Ok, i'll tell you a story about my childhood."
Boy: "awesome. you're beautiful."
Nameless: "well, when i was 4 years old, my mother told me i had parasites. [at this point i couldn't stop laughing] she took me to the doctor and the doc said they needed a poo sample to see what kind of parasites i had. she gave me a plastic cup, and i had to try and poo in it. i tried really really hard! but nothing came out. this was in El Salvador, so we didn't have the bathrooms like we do now, so i was in the backyard trying to do this. well, my little brother, who was 1 at the time, saw me struggling. so he ran into the kitchen, grabbed a plastic cup, and ran back out with a big ol' long piece of poo in it, showing my mom that he could, in fact, poo in a plastic cup."
Boy: "uuhhhh."
Nameless: "turns out i had tapeworms."
Boy: "ok. i have to...uh...go...somewhere."

and never called her again.

Now although i think this is one of the funniest stories i've ever heard, i think my poo poem is not as vulgar. and believe it or not, Nameless seems to have a grasp of the "game" as they call it. so she's now my relationship guru, and i'm not going to do anything until i run it past her first.

i think i'm bipolar...or 8 years old

so i had either a fantastic weekend or one of the worst weekends ever, depending on how you look at it. had a fantastic time with Proctologist (as Danny Boy lovingly refers to him, even tho he's not one) on friday. HY was very angry and hurt and made it known. so the weekend was spent either giggling like a little school girl or wanting to cry my heart out. comments made to me ranged from "you smell nice" to "i hate you and wish i never knew you." always fun.

i don't remember when life became this hard. i guess it is after puberty that it gets like that, when relationships don't end up the way you planned...when people you never thought you would give a second glance to are all you can think about...when the one person you promised you'd never hurt is the person whose heart you broke...and lives are changed forever. i miss the days of wandering around the playground, figuring out how to do that new trick on the monkey bars, remembering how proud i felt to hold a boy's hand, when "breaking up" just meant you didn't eat lunch together anymore. somewhere along the line we just grew up. and divorces, affairs, heartbreaks, and let's-just-give-it-one-more-trys are a part of everyday conversations. it's wierd. it's almost twilight-zoney, because i can remember so clearly the day i was able to turn on the monkey bars 17 times. and wasn't it just last week i could do a cherry drop without holding my friend's hand? how is it that i know so many people where 5-7 years (or more) of relationship ends in dust? how is it that i know so many people who postponed their wedding indefinitely? is this just the way it's always been, or is it our generation?

regardless, such is life. it is what it is. so it goes. this too shall pass. when life gives you lemons make lemonade. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. and every other saying in the book which all mean the same thing - shit happens. like my mom says - you have to guts to live, and you have to have guts to die. either way, you need to have the guts. so what's the point of asking why (or why me)? just go forward. that attitude could have saved my relationship. i think. who knows.

regardless of the path, i do believe that things end up the way they're supposed to. it's just a matter of who you affect along the way that can change. that's what really sucks.

i'm supposed to come up with the lyrics for a new song the band is writing. well, at least i have a lot of material to write it.

yum yum yum yum yum yum

Dan and i went to Spaggo's last night with 2 physicians and a rep. yum yum yum yum. so i had 2 appetizers, because the lady physician was equally excited about the food. 1 was fig slices (yum) with burrata fresh mozzerella (my fav kind - yum) with a mint (yum) and aged balsamic (yum yum) sauce over it. oh my gooooodness. and THEN i had a sweet corn pasta (yum) filled with marscapone (yum) cheese (mm...cheese). for the main course i had this veggie platter, which doesn't sound interesting but was to DIE for. 4 squares of little dishes, each tasting so different but stil complementing each other (mmmm....complementing). 1 tasted indian food like, 1 was south asian like with raisins and pine nuts, 1 was chinese like, and 1 was some other country like. yum. yum yum yum. then i topped it off with jasmine tea. perfect.

Yea, I can't keep him

so i talked to Boy last night. we're just chatting, and then it comes out that he wants to pledge for a frat. a nerdy frat, but a frat nonetheless. it was then i realized it - he's not only 23, but he acts like he's 19! a FRAT? you've got to be kidding me. he says it's a great way to get internships because of the alum connection, which i can believe, but still. he says he's been lazy with classes and hasn't really taken school seriously. awesome. he's a winner. and he says he's comfortable in school...and he doesn't really want to enter the real working world. yup, definitely a winner. i'm thinking rich parents. but come ON. 23. seriously. oh well. totally lost the novelty for me.

on another note, i'm sad that my friend is sad. but seriously, girls that are nice (and boys that are nice) deserve to be treated well and appreciated. so good riddance, ok? keep your head up~

work has been crazy lately. i'm not getting along with my boss either. he went on vacation today, and was completely stressed out yesterday. so he was on edge and kind of treating me badly and rudely! =( it's sad too because we usually get along so well. last time i checked, when i had too much work, i couldn't GO on vacation. ugh. oh well, roll with the punches as they say.

the band's going well. practice was cancelled last night and tonight because everyone's sick. but we need to go into the studio next weekend. to record a song. my first song! in a studio! a real live studio! haha. should be fun.

i AM sad and single

So I’m writing this in word because I am too lazy to write the email I’m really supposed to write. I went to tahoe this weekend for Sam’s bachelor party. Ok, real quick – here is a funny IM I’m having right now…

Doe, John [10:10 AM]:
cool. can probably try to go after work. but there is a stupud class at 7 at the pool on thursdays. i went a few weeks back and wasnt able to swim. didnt have my glases and walked into the womens locker room too
me [10:11 AM]:
no way!
me [10:11 AM]:
HILARIOUS
Doe, John [10:11 AM]:
dont tell anyone.
me [10:11 AM]:
oh, don't worry, i won't. what happened?
Doe, John [10:12 AM]:
i was looking down and walked in, looked up and saw like 5 girls
Doe, John [10:12 AM]:
busted out of theresadly didnt have my contacts on!!!!!!!! but if i did, wouldnt have gone in there in the first place

Hilarious. Love it.

Anyway, so I went to Tahoe for Sam’s bachelor party. I flew into Oakland and Chulho (CC) picked me up at the airport. It was SOOOO good to see him again. First thing he says to me…”You look different. You look like a girl now.” Awesome. We stopped in Berkeley to get Blondie’s pizza (YUM) and drove over to Tahoe, chatting and catching up on the 4 hour drive. Spammo and his buddies (Alex the music guy, Chung the harmonizing arguer, and Abe the underwater guy) come about 30 minutes later, by when I had to pee and did so on the neighbor’s lawn. This house that we rented was BEAUTIFUL. It was on the Tahoe keys, which led to the lake. We had our own dock and hot tub and 4 bedrooms and a huge kitchen and living room. Loved it. we just played poker and talked and played pool until 3 in the morning. We found a great radio station, and all the songs Chung harmonized to. He was awesome! Then Chung and I get into this discussion about law and cardiac device companies etc. etc. (thus earning the other half of his nickname). I learned patience from the discussion which didn’t end until 5.

Spammo and I woke up at 11 and cooked breakfast while everyone else woke up. We went into town to pick up some veggies (boys went shopping and only bought meat. And 17 garden burgers for me) and other things. I wanted to make salsa and heuvos rancheros for the next morning. I rode with Alex in his awesome car and listened to great new music (hence his nickname). We found a canoe in the garage of the home we were staying in and decided to take it out. it was a little rickety but didn’t sink. Abe, CC, Spammo, and I were the first. we canoed around the keys, into the lake, and I must say I might be getting over my fear of canoes and kayaks. It was GORGEOUS. CC and Abe bonded over their respective underwater sports (free diving and underwater hockey). We hung out in the hot tub and barbequed when we got back. Alex and Chung went out in the canoe, and got lost for 2 hours – sooooo funny. But they made it back so I guess all’s well that ends well.

That night we played a game we made up. each person gets 10 poker chips. 5 blue ones and 5 of the color their team is using (a team is made of 2 people). The blue chips had to be stacked in a tower and used as defense. The other 5 chips were your “army men.” Spammo and I were a team. So each team had 2 towers and 10 men. We cleared the whole table to create this battlefield. Basically you had to set up your towers as your defense. The other 10 men were placed strategically around the table. The object of the game was to use your man to flick another team’s man off the table without sending yours off the table. SO MUCH FUN. I created an awesome defense and Spammo sent 3 of the black chips (Abe and CC) off the table. We did pretty well, and both games we played ended up with 1 of each of our chips on the table. The first game we won and the second one I accidentally sent our last man off the table. I’ll post a pic once Spammo sends them. I wanted to call the game Battle Chips but the boys decided Flicker was better. we even thought of ways to market it. oh man the ways we thought of to better our chances. It was great fun. Best game EVER.

The next morning I made my huevos rancheros and Alex and Chung had to leave. The rest of us went hiking nearby and took fun pics (I’ll post them soon). CC dropped me off at my bus stop that I was taking to Reno, and that was the end of my first bachelor party. I cried when I had to say bye to CC. Sigh. Too short. I need to find a way to move back up north. So many of my closest friends are there. And nothing to hold me here anymore. I miss them so much!

I went to dinner with the engineer and my coworker that night in Reno, and spent from 6-3pm the next morning in cases with Rocky, the physician I went to Kitana with. Last night Hellen brought over Simba and we hung out.

Sigh…and now here I am, back at work.

whine up

ok - so i forgot to post this from friday - pretend it's 4 days ago...

my goal is to write at least twice a week. vs the twice a month i was doing before. so it's finally time for Spammo's Bachelor party! and i get to go! i love it. can't wait. i'm flying at 4 today for oakland, and Charles is picking me up. i haven't caught up with him in ages, so i really really can't wait. we're driving over to reno (or tahoe i actually don't know) and hanging out there for the weekend. sunday night i'm having dinner with Kurt, the FCE for the area. and monday we're spending the day with dr. pai, who judy and i had dinner with a month or so back.

last night i accompanied JD on a customer dinner with some UK docs. i must admit, i was sooo tired and out of it. i had no idea what conversations were going on. i spent most of my time chatting with the doc sitting next to me. a lovely old chap. who loves america. i mean, REALLY loves america. wouldn't stop talking about how he loves the bay area (ok, so he does have good taste), tuscon (how RANDOM is that), colorado, new mexico, etc. etc. i thought maybe he was talking about those places because there was nothing else to talk about. so i switched the conversation to something more interesting like AF. nope, still talking about america. and how much he loves it. and how since he has 30 days of holiday he should spend it elsewhere in the world but he always comes to america cause he loves it so much. it's just something "very special" haha. cute old man.

the food was good. ok. nothing like kitana. this place was called koi. i usually enjoy japanese food but their vegetarian option was grilled tofu with some veggies. not very exciting. i miss wan's crazy rolls with custom made appetizers. in fact, let me talk about 1 dish wan made. forget koi. he made this roll - first of all, he rolled it in cucumber. which was so fresh and so....SUMMER. inside he rolled green bean tempura, grilled asparagus, cream cheese, a touch of spice, avocado, and some sort of crunchy thing. amazing. then, as the garnish for this dish (he's huge on presentation), he made 2 things - one was these crispy won ton rolls with asparagus, cream cheese (all melty) and a huge chunk of jalapeno. went really well with the rolls. for the other garnish he made a bunch of grilled veggies, and held it together with a little bit of seaweed. and put some amazing sauce on it. some citrus jalapeno sauce. that was ONE dish. can you imagine how many others he makes? i've never had the same thing twice yet. point being, koi was just ok for me.

we didn't leave koi until about 11. i promised shankar i would go to his birthday party in aguora hills. it's the exit you take for zuma beach, so it's a hike. this place is called canyon club, and it's basically a big barn in the middle of nowhere. i get there, and the bouncer dude just lets me in. thank goodness i didn't have to wait in line. it was freezing outside. inside they were playing hip hop, and after a few minutes the 80s cover band came out. they were actually GOOD. i don't usually enjoy 80s, but i must admit, they were quite entertaining. i don't know what was going on tho - kept getting hit on. and these guys wouldn't go away. they would just keep hanging around, staring at me. ick. i'm sure they're nice guys, but they were being creepy. maybe they're just shy, who knows. but hanging around for 2 hours is just a little too much. funniest part of the night? this guy Ali who went danced next to me for awhile. staring guy #1 looked at staring guy #2. they chatted amongst themselves, and finally #2 goes up to Ali and says, "is that your girlfriend?" he says no, but they're gay, pointing at me and Lindsey. the guy's look on his face was priceless (i think he's a little conservative). so L gives me a hug and looks at the guy and says, "she's mine." hilarious. they figured it out a few minutes later that we were not in fact gay and resumed their roles as staring guy #1 and staring guy #2. staring guy #3 looked like he was 12. i swear - the people in this place looked like they needed to be carded for a rated r movie let alone alky. guy #4 was - i kid you not - at least 6'8" if not taller. he was the tallest man i had ever seen in real life, save Shaq when i went to a lakers game. it was like talking to the jolly green giant.

anyway, had a good time. today i'm off to tahoe!

can i keep him?

so i guess i haven't written any stories in awhile. couple things. auditioned and got into a band. really wierd band. but still fun and i get to sing again. turned 28. sucks. lots and lots of travelling. this weekend i'm going Reno for Sam's bachelor party (NOT as the entertainment) and some work. started swimming at lunch again. oh the crush i had for a second awhile ago? guy turns out to be an A$$. had a girlfriend for 3 1/2 years but doesn't tell me because he's just a jerk. and wants to see what he can get. lame. oh well. oh, and Karen moved back from Hawaii. yay =)

so this being single thing is odd. it's devastating and heart breaking that it has to be this way, but i guess the best thing to do is just to move forward as best i can. ultimately i need to be happy. i can't do that if the person i'm with is not happy. moving on seems like such a gargantuan task. how can you cut someone out of your life? you can't. it's too difficult. but i have to start the process otherwise i'll be waiting around forEVER for him to be happy. so i did. last week i went out to a bar (Circle Bar, of course) and just thought i was going to hang out with friends. i see this boy - he's adorable and you could tell he was shy, which made him all the more endearing. tall, very well built, cute face...wait a minute...too cute of a face. like baby cute. so, me being as forward and non-filtering as i am, tap him on the shoulder (WHILE he was talking to some other girl haha) and asked him how old he was. "23" sigh. too young. but HE said, "23, is that too old for you?" brownie points for making me feel young. ok, so i continue on my way the entire night, and would see him every now and then smiling at me. awww. so cute. so his roommate comes up to me and makes a case for Boy. he's smart, mature, blah blah. i said fine. i'll give you my number (by the way, i have NEVER given out my number at a bar) and you can give it to your little but adorable roommate.

so Boy calls me up a couple nights ago and invites me to go to a club. after some coaxing from friends, i decide to go and just have a fun time. Boy picks me up last night and takes me to an underground reggae club in echo park. first of all, i LOVE echo park/ silverlake area. i LOVE reggae. and it being underground just puts icing on the cake. a lot of icing. we didn't talk much (cause it was really great music) but oddly enough, Boy is also from Fremont. he's a surf instructor. but more importantly, he also boxes AND DOES TAEKWONDO. WHAT? are you kidding? those are my sports. kind of creepy - too many coincidences. but so super hot. adorable. buff. sweet. tall (at least 6'1"). oh wait. he's 23. still in school. sigh. can i keep him anyway?

i ain't going nowhere, dog, imma be right here in yo face

oh where to start. so first of all, some old lady thought the gas was the brake and vice versa and RAN INTO HO YONG'S GYM. took out the WHOLE front panel, the wall of his office, the lobby, the mats, the mirrors, and landed in the BACK store room. insane. thank goodness it was on a sunday instead of on a class day, because a lot of people would have been seriously injured or more. so now the poor guy has to deal with the headache associated with that. i guess her insurance has to pay and he has to sue her for the rest, but c'mon! this is ridiculous. people who confuse the brake and gas should NOT be driving. ugh. anyway, that was that. so i've actually added a pic below (Karen, aren't you proud?) that Hellen sent me using her phone.





Shirin and Jolene came this past weekend and of course we had a blast. it was fun being girls. not doing much but just having fun doing nothing. Jolene kept looking at my spirally earring, and she decided she liked enough to get 2 holes in her ear on Melrose. awesome! she's going to get the same piece in 1/2 year or however long her ear takes to heal. cute! it'll be cool to see that earring on someone else, because i've only seen it in the mirror. i don't know anyone else who has it, so it'll be fun to see. i'm a bad influence =) also it's nice to be an influence! haha. so far 7 ppl have gotten piercings because of mine. so funny. awww. it's sweet though.

we never got to go to the park. well, we drove by but didn't see the carts. so sad. Shirin got a puppy so i'll need to go visit Dodger (such a cute name) when i get a chance.

ugh. relationships are too difficult. i need to meet a man who has no baggage, no stress, and is everything else i want. is that even possible? i'm going to be an old spinster. with lots and lots of cats. nope. i'd never turn into a cat spinster. maybe a dog spinster though. sigh. anyone know a 30 something single man with no baggage that he's still holding on to and is everything i want? please help...

Dr. Ima B Rowngirl

Hellen's dad passed away on monday morning. my heart goes out to her...

i can't take work anymore. it's suffocating. well, i prolly feel that way because i had thai food for lunch and i feel so full i need to sleep. JD can't work out again tonight because he has a work thing. i'm so relieved because now i go home and sleep. ah sleep.

so i'm applying to USC for early decision. i hope i get in. i find out october 1. if i'm granted an interview.

i finally talked to Darlene last night! i called her on the regular line, so it was some ridiculous amount per minute, but i didn't care. i called her at 8pm my time, and i thought it was a 10 hour difference, but it was only an 8 hour difference. 4am she gets a call from me! but we hadn't talked in months so i don't think she cared. then i had a brilliant idea of running to the gas station to get a calling card. i go the one next to my place but they didnt' have any and sent me to a place ''2 blocks away." it was actually a good 1/2 a mile there, so i ran (in my flip flops) and bought 2 calling cards for $5 each. i run back home and call her, and was informed i should have 30 minutes to talk. after 8 minutes i run out of time. WHAT!? so much for that. the second card was even shorter. i gave up and just called her for an HOUR AND A HALF with the regular phone. oh well. totally worth it. we chatted and chatted (remember it's 4am for her) until i had to go to sleep (which i didn't get to do anyway). but now we finally have the right emails for each other and we can keep in touch that way. we've also decided we're going to talk on the phone at least once a week.

JD calls me at 10:30 and wants me to go out cause it's his roommate Janine's birthday. she's cool, so i go. she's crazy. she's a nonstop talker, even worse than i am. JD tried to take pics of us, but in every pic, Janine either looked pissed or i looked stoned (the flash was too bright so i couldn't keep my eyes open!). we couldn't do it and gave up. Janine ran off to be social and JD and i got into this discussion about relationships and what not. 12:30 rolls around and i'm practically falling asleep at the bar. on the way home JD gets in and out (funniest thing. we were originally supposed to go to sushi for Janine's bday dinner. she takes so long getting ready. i get a text from JD that he's eating triscuits and cheese. soooo funny). finally get in bed around 1 something and am out like a light.

so fun times - Jolene and Shirin are visiting me next weekend! i can't wait! i've never had both of them visit, so it should be a blast!! there's this park across the street from me that's kind of a Mexican park cause there are a lot of Latina people that go there. it's awesome because the people with the carts of food are everywhere. HY and i went on saturday and we had a full mango with lime, chili, and salt. sooo good. and he also had elote, which is corn with mayo, parmesean cheese, and chili. for a buck. awesome. i think Jolene would love that.

so Karen, Linda can't get us the hotel for Vegas anymore. we need to find our own. and i don't know if she's able to go. her mom was supposed to get the hotel, but her mom is unexpectedly leaving for iran. i'll look today to see what i can find...

Crush

so i hate Michael Vic. it's sick what he's done to the pit bulls. i want to pull out each of his fingernails, hang him by his skin, and keep him alive while i do other tortorous things to him. can't stand people who abuse innocent animals. can't stand them. i would have no problem hurting those people. it makes me so angry that i can't control my rage. and he was such a good player too. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyway, i have a crush on someone. it's so fun - this stage where you're just getting to know each other. i'll leave it at that. but it's fun =)

i've been so busy this week. on monday night i had Lindsay and Eric over for dinner and a movie (we saw King of Scotland which was a great movie. Forrest Whitaker was very scary!). last night they invited me to a Dodgers game (it was horrible - they lost against the Phillies which is one of the worst teams in the league). i ate way too many nachos and might be off nachos for at least a week.

not much else. i have work tonight so i'll be home near 10ish. boo.

Dressed in Black

haven't written in a week. bittersweet days. Judy came on Wednesday morning. she just spent time at home while i was at work. we went shopping for some stuff she needed and had barney's hamburgers and curly fries. yum. she bought these sexy silver shoes and a cute black dress. on thursday i took a half day off (which i totally paid for on friday) and watched step up. such a fun dance movie. because of the movie we were totally pumped up to go to Circle Bar.

so that whole day my car was shaking. i remember it happened before and i remembered it was because something was unplugged or loose or something. we were a little concerned as we decided to drive all the way to Hollywood to get a Benito's burrito. we almost drove to my Hi Point location so i could look for the chilli relleno's that cyrus had the week before. but because of traffic we decided against it. but the car was definitely shaking. also, i badly needed an oil change. so as we were driving back on thursday (with out burritos), we were looking EVERYWHERE for an oil change place. nowhere. none. i almost gave up when right NEXT DOOR to my apt is a shell station that had a mechanic, smog check, and an oil change place. awesome. so we dropped my car off and walked back to my apt and ate our super delicious burritos. i ate the entire thing and i think i gained 28 pounds because of it. it was awesome. so we watched step up and then walked back to get my car. still shaking. oil change didn't help.

so like i said, because of step up we decided we were going to circle bar to shake our booties. i tried my hand at being a mechanic on the way there (the gas station guy thought we were nuts since we were in clubbing outfits but totally greasy from being under the hood). nothing worked. i found something that was a little loose, but it didn't work at all. i decided the shaking wouldn't hurt the car so we drove to Santa Monica to go dancing.

dancing was fun (as usual). JD, Yemen, and this girl Ja we met a few weeks earlier came as well. as usual i pulled out some 80s moves during the 80s songs. it was fun. made some Japanese friends. Toki and Toni or something like that. they were cute and fun.

i dropped my car off the next morning to get it fixed and found out it was a loose spark plug causing a misfire in the 2nd cylinder. $140. ugh. but now it doesn't shake.

friday night we went to Asia de Cuba for a business dinner with some Italian docs. i didn't know what to talk about with them so i played the "teach me Italian" card. worked like a charm. one of the St Jude marketing guys from Italy kept telling me he wants me to visit him in Italy. sooo funny. here's the email he wrote:

I want organize your holiday in Italy in August,it's possible you'll arrive in Italy august 11 and you 'll depart august 20
We 'll go in fantastic place ,eat
delicious food and drink fine wine
Ciao
Gio

His name is Giochinno Iannola. hilarious. but the food was phenomenal. awesome. fantastic. and expensive. we went to sky bar afterwards. neither judy nor i were impressed. it was just a bunch of rather unattractive people dressing like skanks.

saturday i dropped her off. sooooo sad. so bummed. so burned out. no vacation for me though. i went to the Lemus' and just hung out. on the way there i talked to Deeps for a few hours. too much drama with boys. but whatevers. oh - he took 3 kids to nationals. one of them got bronze (red belt) and the other got gold (red belt). pretty cool. the kid got bronze because he back kicked the other kid in the face and the other kid got knocked out. because of their age, they took a full point off. crazy!!!! but he's going to be awesome next year. they're going to do well as black belts. can't wait.

yesterday i watched apocolypto. loved it. intense movie. it was good.

so that was my weekend. been a little down lately. i think things aren't in my control and i want other things to go a little differently. but life isn't that easy. HY's bro wants to have lunch with me. i don't want to discuss anything yet. i'm not ready. perhaps i just need to find someone else and just let go. but like i said, life's not that easy.

The perfectly wrong weekend

so on thursday night Amy ended up being too tired to go out. i can't say i minded much. i was exhausted and just ended up going to sleep. it was nice to sleep. i love to sleep. haha. on friday night Robin, Rami, Hellen, and HY came over. i kept calling Robin and Rami Robbie and Ramen. soooo funny. we ordered indian food and ate in my garden. it's beautiful out there. and at times i feel like it's my own because no one's ever out there. we then went to a coffee shop. they wanted to hang out more but i was still tired. ended up just going to sleep. i love to sleep. but i love to play too so i was torn.

anyway the next day HY and i went to Zuma beach and Camarillo outlets. i know it was probably bad to spend the day with him but we had the most amazing and fun time. it was sooooo relaxed and he was being funny and we didn't fight and we didn't talk about the business at all. it was just perfect. we both found great things at the outlets. they wouldn't let people in the water at the beach - we didn't know what was going on, but regardless, neither of us are the sun bathing type (the beach is meant to go to in the water) so we left. on the way home we got pedicures (i made him get one too. it was funny, but i think he secretly enjoyed the massage and pampering. i told him we'd have to go to a different place next time and he didn't say much, making me think he actually wants to go. cute.). we went to this sushi place down the street which ended up being pretty good. again, we had a great time and at until we couldn't eat anymore. we rented Pursuit of Happyness, King of Scotland, and Tiger in the Woods (which is like A Life is Beautiful with the same actor but about Iraq). HY fell asleep through P of H, and I fell asleep through K of S. we both loved our movies, so one of these days we'll have to switch.

sunday morning i was supposed to go to the beach with JD and the 2 dogs, but Max was too tired. Max is the dog by the way. so i went to Redondo beach with HY and his parents to eat seafood. i tried cracking a crab leg (i used chopsticks so i wouldn't have to touch it), and i was actually pretty good at it! i ate corn, french fries, and some rice. obviously at a seafood place, there wasn't much for me to eat, but i was plenty satisfied. HY's dad wanted sunglasses so we went to the mall to try to find some, but couldn't find any to his liking. they dropped me off, and i went to lift weights with JD. Afterwards we went to Trader Joe's and got enough food for an army it seemed like. i made pasta sauce (i don't think JD liked it because he doesn't like rosemary or onions, both of which were in my sauce but he ate it anyway) and mozzerella salad (tomato, fresh moz, lime juice, salt, pepper) and he made great garlic bread. yum.

sigh. back to monday. i'm so excited though because Judy's coming on wednesday! i just can't WAIT. time to play lots more!!!!

Celebrating my independence

work was crazy as usual on monday and tuesday. but what becomes a little more interesting is tuesday night. i went out with JD and his friends. told them i'd be a good wing woman, so when we got there i made friends with these 3 cute girls. i did my job, so i spent the rest of the night enjoying myself. lots of boys there but again no one sparked my interest enough. so the boy that JD gave my number to showed up. i played it off as "sorry i didn't call you back - i'm so glad you came out tonight so we could talk in person instead of on the phone." haha. oops. his name's Aric which is like Eric with an A. just hung out, danced, played, laughed at Cyrus' 'game' on trying to get girls numbers (basically he's totally obnoxious. some girls think it's annoying and some think it's so over the top that it's kind of funny and charming) and hung out with Yemen. fun people. so at the end some boy that i didn't see the whole night comes up to me (when we're saying bye to everyone) and holds both my hands and says i really want to get to know you better. i was hoping we could hang out tonight. again, i tried to play it off giving him the hint that i'm not interested. finally i resort to my old tactics and tell him he's got to ask my bodyguard JD. he looks over and says,"him? oh he's cool with it i already asked." !! haha. i said how about next time. so funny. got home at 3 or something like that, and just went to bed.

the next morning i woke up at 7 and i am exhausted! i hate not being able to sleep in. i gave up trying to stay up at around 9 and just took a nap until 11:30. then i just talked to various people trying to figure out what i wanted to do (and talking to Karen to decide) and finally rolled out of bed around 2:00. also told Judy that we can't go =( i was soooo sad. ended up going to the beach with Cyrus, Yemen, and that guy Aric. he ended up being really cool. and tall. didn't realize that before. anyway, the plan was that i was going to pick up Cyrus at his place and then go get Yemen. i get there and call his phone. nothing. doesn't pick up. why woudln't you pick up the phone when you know someone's there to pick you up?! ok, he's peeing or something. i give it 3 or 4 minutes, and call again. nothing. ok, perhaps he's pooing. so i give it 6 or 7 minutes. call again. nothing. now i'm getting pissed, so i call JD and tell him i'm getting irritated and i'm about to leave. Cyrus calls me 30 seconds later (JD called him and yelled at him) and finally he comes out. He's wearing a blue shirt and khaki shorts. with a big red splotch on it. turns out he spilled red wine on himeself (!!). so he has to go BACK AND CHANGE. i was sooo annoyed, but let it go. i ended up being there for 30 or so minutes.

we finally get to Yemen's place and Aric drives us to the beach. they stop at the liqour store, and Cyrus comes back out with this amazing chilli relleno that he got from the liquor store (who knew they had hot food?) it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tasty i can't even stop thinkign about it. they totally made fun of me cause i ate most of it. yup, i owe him some food. maybe i'll make them brownies cause they've been so nice to me or something. anyway, we hung out with JD at his new girl's friend's beach house. i decide to go to the beach to try my hand at body surfing. somehow the nice sunglasses i bought in Maui fell out of my bag. i realized it 40 minutes or so later, and asked around. a girl said she saw someone pick up black sunglasses and took them =( so sad. oh well. easy come easy go, right? so this morning i called the sunglass hut because they told me if i scratched it or something they would give me half off if i rebought the glasses. but you had to send in the old ones (because people can lie about losing the glasses etc) it was a guy on the phone, and i explained what happened. he sounded young and kind of flirted and laughed about the story, and then he said he would give me half off to replace the lost glasses! he's just goign to write a report to his manager or something. who knows what he's doign but yay! sometimes being a girl helps...

after that we went to my cousin's pad in Santa Monica to his party. we see him on the street and he says he's goign to go get some stuff because they're running out of drinks or something. we go up, and 2 hours later, he still hasn't shown up. what the? and besides, they're definitely not running out of anything anytime soon. there are plenty of things to drink, eat, etc. i ask his roommate Joe where he went, and he goes, "yup, he's gone. went to a Malibu party." well, how the heck did he get there? his car's engine died, so he didn't even have a mode of transportation. i get a page from him at midnight that says "hooking up with a girl. call you tomorrow" sooo funny. crazy crazy boy. anyway, i get home and crash since i had to work this morning. such a teaser - to play all day long because it's a holiday only to have to go to work the next day. but at least tomorrow's friday. i think i'm going out with Amy tonight so maybe i'll have more fun stories tomorrow.

oh the drama

so thursday i went to see an old friend. it was nice catching up with him, and then we started having a conversation about how girls shouldn't be friends with guys who are married, or girls who are married shouldn't be friends with guys. i think that's a load of crap. but i kind of get it with this guy - i agree. nonetheless, it was sad to leave just cause i know that i'm not going to talk to this guy for a long time.

that was thursday night. friday morning HY leaves a message that he wants to have dinner with my parents and myself (i went home to visit my mom finally) on friday night. that's 8 hours of advance notice. not too much. i called my dad, and he told me it wouldn't happen. my mom was already upset i hadn't gone home in a long time, and bringing a boy into the equation wouldn't be the best. he wanted to call HY himself and explain, which i thought was nice. WELLLLL HY totally took it wrong, and now he's sooo angry because he feels rejected by my parents. sigh. it's too hard. i just need to figure out what i want and go with it. i can't make a decision. my father said the same thing - he said, "sometimes it seems like you know what you're doing, and most of the time it seems like you have no idea." i feel pulled in so many directions, and i'm so focussed (how the heck do you spell that?) on making sure the people around me aren't angry that i have no idea what i want. so be it. time will tell.

so if things go well between today and wednesday at work i may still be able to go to india!!!! it would be awesome. my boss is cool and said that he would pay both J and my cancellation fees. at least i don't have to worry about that. but life would be grand if i could just run away to Thailand and India!!

did y'all check out pandora.com yet? it's just fantastic.

so i also went to my "cousin"'s graduation party. i think we're related to them somehow but i have no idea how. so i just call her my cousin. i've known her since she was born. so it was very touching to see her graduate high school. she had a hard time in high school. she's an incredibly hard worker, but it just doesn't get through sometimes. so when i saw her, she started jumping up and down screaming, "I graduated high school!!! AND i'm going to COLLEGE!!!" it was hilarious. sweet thing she is. she's going to UC Santa Cruz. i'm totally visiting her. i was talking to my aunts there and they were giving me advice on how to meet boys. that's when you know you're in a rut. haha. i love it. i'm nearly 28, totally confused, and absolutely single. kind of. it's great. i think it's time to get new piercings...

Shake that booty for me

so last night i went to sardos bar to go to porn star karaoke (lovingly known as PSK night). we couldn't tell if the girls there were ps or not. not as exciting as they made it sound. it was just mostly bad singing. met james' boy cyrus and a couple other people. this guy art kept talking to me - he turned out to be one of the guys' cousins' friends. so i was nice. Amy and i got itchy feet and wanted to go dancing at 10:30 or so and said our goodbyes. the cousins' friend wanted to get my number to go dancing too, which i didn't want to give, so i just kept saying, "oh, we don't know where we're going tonight, sorry." he comes back with, "oh, not tonight. i want to get your number to go dancing another night." hmmm. so i say, "get it from james." my plan was to tell james not to give it to him or just to tell him he didn't have it. i forgot. so james actually gives him my number later! oops.

we went to circle bar in santa monica and had a blast. our bar tab came out to $6. lots of people buying us drinks. which we don't usually agree to, but these guys were just telling the bartenders that the next time one of us ordered drinks, it would be on them. anyway, met some interesting people but none worth claiming digits for. but on the whole fun. i think we might go out tuesdays or thursdays from now on. not too crowded but enough people to make it worthwhile. oh - there were these young girls (not more than 21) who kept making out with each other cause it got the guys' attention. but later we saw them go into the bathroom together...gross.

on that note, i have to get my car smog checked for the first time. that and get the brakes checked. and get an oil change. makes me think i should've just bought the porche. beautiful car. it's gone, someone bought it. oh well. easy come easy go.

Vacation anyone?

so i might not be able to go on my vacation to india after all. yesterday at work was ridiculous, with everything that can go wrong going wrong, and everything that should go right going wrong too. looks like i might have to do the responsible thing and forego my vacation for more work. however, there is a $550 cancellation fee per person, and since i'm going with judy, i'll prolly have to pay her cancellation fee too. so my deal is this - work pays for the cancellation fees and i'll stay and work. i won't stay and pay.

last night i went to work out. it was back and biceps day. went alright. i still don't have a goal. do i want to get toned? of course. do i want to get buffer? sure, why not? do i want to lose some chunk? yup. oh - i saw this chic yesterday. she's probably a fitness model. her abs were ridiculous. unbelievable. i don't think i'm capable of having abs like that. i don't think many people are (including boys).

tonight i'm going out with Amy. should be fun. we might crash James' friend Cyrus' birthday party. he's going to - ready for this - Porn Star Karaoke. i have no idea what that is, but it sounds funny enough. does it mean porn stars are singing karaoke? do people just dress like porn stars? who knows. but should be an interesting night regardless.

alrighty, back to work.

First Post

I remember i used to have my kitchen. there were funny stories on that- about the adventures of Clorox and PineSol or something equally exciting.

i have no idea what to write about today. i got a massage from this guy named Dustin Ashley Cox. for free. for 1 hour and 45 minutes. can't complain.

oh! pandora.com. best thing ever. check it out.